Preparing Financially for the Zombie Apocalypse

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Zombies Ahead
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Two things return this Sunday: "The Walking Dead" and our awful, horrible nightmares about flesh-eating zombies. Correlated? Possibly. But we're just too addicted to the former to avoid the latter. After all, where else can you learn the dos and don'ts of zombie apocalypse survival from the safety of your couch?

While we might never have to worry about a real zombie outbreak (despite the fact that the Centers for Disease Control thinks it's worth preparing a survival guide), there are plenty of other disasters and emergency situations that deserve our attention. And there's no better time to prepare than now.

Here are a few quick pointers on preparing financially for a doomsday scenario:

Fund your emergency savings. When there's something strange ... in your neighborhood ... who ya gonna call? Not your 401(k)! Sorry for ruining the tune,
but when the zombies come a knockin', those retirement savings, stocks and CDs probably won't help much. That's why you should put away three to six months of income in liquid savings that you can tap into at a moment's notice to cover a job loss, medical emergency or other significant unexpected expense.

Invest in the essentials. Having completed hundreds of successful virtual treks on the Oregon Trail, we know a thing or two about emergency survival. Or we just ruined our credibility. But either way, the classic '80s computer game is a great starting point for essential emergency supplies: food, water, clothing, first aid, weapons, transportation and tools. Add some modern advances like fuel, batteries, toilet paper, radio and GPS to your survival loot, and you'll be the "richest" non-flesh-eating human on the block.

Diversify, diversify, diversify. The first rule of investing still applies after the post-apocalyptic dust settles. While a contained zombie outbreak (or natural disaster) might affect the local economy, the rest of the country and world might remain unaffected. Consider diversifying in foreign currencies, metals, and other commodities to hedge your bets against a financial meltdown at home.

Get your paperwork in order. Not preparing for the worst doesn't mean the worst won't happen. And avoiding the important paperwork -- like creating a will -- could certainly make the worst even worst-er. Take the time (and money) to put your will together,
and consider investing in a fireproof safe to store it and your other important documents. From everything I've read, zombies respect and execute wills fairly and judiciously.

Invest in yourself. No, we're not about to channel Dr. Phil and tell you to stand tall and believe in yourself. Instead, we're going to tell you to suck it up, stop wasting time on Facebook (FB), and start learning the things that could mean life or death in an emergency. That might include cooking, basic repair, sewing, carpentry, falconry (don't question this one), swimming, wilderness survival, first aid and the list goes on.

Better yet, you can find learning resources for every single one of these topics right here on the Internet. YouTube has thousands of tutorial videos to help make you a better, smarter you. Just pray that there aren't any on "How to Befriend a Human -- and Then Eat Their Brains!"

Joanna and Johnny are the writing duo behind OurFreakingBudget.com, a personal finance blog documenting the joys, pains and realities of living on a budget.


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dwl1232

It wasn't broke, so why did you fix it???? Bring back the old format. How the h*ll do you eliminate totals from a portfolio that you don't want in the daily total. In the old system you could choose what portfolio you wanted in the daily total. The new system sucks.

February 12 2014 at 3:35 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
le1497

how the Hell can I find my portfolio. It used to be so easy. do NOT like this new site. Looks like you are wanting to sell me courses that I do not need. Keep it simple sir@

February 11 2014 at 7:40 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
alfredschrader

A Will can be a very dangerous document. Many, many people have been killed over what was in their Will. You could even be done-in by people you don't even know by your Will. How ? Hackers could discover it, hack your intended relative, bump you off to get it.
I was never going to write a Will. I wanted it to be "stuck" in probate. But my relatives got mad pushed me to have a Will so I wrote a Will leaving it all to me. How ?
My entire estate is to be liquidated and used to place me in cryogenic suspension.
Another way is to have it all used to build your tomb - make it bigger than Grant's.

If you must give any of it to your relatives, do it now while you are alive.
Idealy spend it all before you move on to the keyboard in the sky so you get the benefit of it.
Poor Warrenn Buffett made billions but he'll never get the benefit of any of it same as Howard Hughes. Amassing a huge fortune and then never spending any of it is kinda pointless.

February 09 2014 at 8:22 AM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
Hello Kathizita!

Not everyone has the money to put away for 6 months of emergency savings. Nice thought, but not a reality for everyone. It takes extra money to put that extra money away.

February 07 2014 at 12:35 PM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply
Valerie

Zombie Apocalypse??? Doomsday Scenario???

The two overgrown kids, who wrote this silly drivel need to turn off the TV and grow up.

February 07 2014 at 11:32 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
SPQR

You will be one of the lucky ones if you survive the apacolypse...or not. Burn your paperwork because the governement is sending all the zoblies to college on anew dream legislation. They will use the info against you so destroy it all. The 1 % already has all the food ...they own it ! SO don't bother. If you have watched the show you will need 1,000,000,000 rounds of ammmo. SO invest wisely. For 50% of Americans it is over as we once knew it.

February 07 2014 at 9:24 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
scottee

how is the country (congress and The Fed) preparing? or are they the CAUSE?

February 07 2014 at 8:22 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
alfredschrader

There a whole group of nut cases that said the world was going to end on 12/21/12. I told you it wasn't. Same case here. Sorry, no Zombie end of it all. Instead we are entering an era of incredible prosperity. Technology improvements are not on a straight line but are on an upward curve.
It is technology that brought us out of the caves, and helped us have food and warmth.
Each step forward in technology improves our lives. Some of the things just around the corner ?
Everything at your finger tips - touch screen lunch, touch screen everything. Flying drone cars,
5D printers that make anything you can imagine, robo-mail, and more robots that do everything for you including grow bumper crops and stock your grocery store shelves. RFI shopping check-out - you guide your robo shopping cart to the check-out, it "reads" everything in your cart, it goes on your card, you can take your groceries home.
Everything is going to be fast, easy, fun. Not an apocalypse.

February 07 2014 at 7:35 AM Report abuse -4 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to alfredschrader's comment
annedyth

The tech you talk about will more thatn likely cost lots of money. As for tech inproving 'our' lives? Give you an even chance that the drawbacks inherent will cause trouble.
As for 'fun'? you can KEEP it!

February 07 2014 at 11:34 AM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply