Warren is in the house.- Warren Buffett (@WarrenBuffett) May 2, 2013
Buffett is known to be something of a Luddite personally, having claimed he missed the details of a potential deal to rescue Lehman Brothers because he didn't know how to check his voicemail. And he is said to have resisted for years an offer of a desktop computer from his pal Bill Gates, so it seems doubtful he'll be a heavy user of Twitter.
Still, Buffett's got $53.5 billion in assets, according to Forbes, and once played ping-pong with a comically oversized paddle. He can make things happen, in other words, and he's down to have some fun. So it might be worth your while, if #socialmedia's your thing, to try to interact with the Oracle of Omaha on Twitter dot com.
Here are some suggestions.
One critical question is what sort of celebrity Twitter user Buffett will turn out to be: the laissez-faire famous person who rolls with the hoi polloi's punches, or the hypersensitive control freak who cannot brook the slightest mischief or criticism? There's only one way to find out which alternative Buffett favors, and that's to test him through vigorous trolling.1. Get blocked by Warren Buffett
There are lots of options. Many conservatives dislike Buffett -- whom they might be expected to admire, given his enormous investing success and cheerful advocacy for the U.S. economy -- because of his support for Barack Obama. Particularly galling has been his endorsement of the president's proposal for higher taxes on upper income earners, encapsulated in the so-called Buffett Rule. Buffett's invocation of his secretary, who he has said pays more in federal taxes as a proportion of income than he does, has become a source of mockery; why not ask Buffett why the secretary of the richest investor on Earth isn't a member of the one percent herself? Seems only "fair," to use a word the president favors in this connection.
For those on the left, Buffett's status as arch-capitalist dealmaker offers a few openings. There have, for instance, been questions about what he knew, and when he knew it, before making a $5 billion investment in Bank of America (preferred shares, of course) in August 2011. Shortly after Buffett's purchase, word got out of extensive job cuts (40,000 employees) and the firings of two executives -- restructuring moves likely to raise the bank's stock price. "Did [Buffett] have inside information that other investors were not aware of?" asked bank analyst Richard Bove. "Did he know that there were going to be these two major announcements at the time he made his investment? If he did know, I think it is illegal." These questions are under 140 characters, so have at it.
Bagging the scalp of a verified Twitter user for your followers list can seem like a daunting task. You can do it, though, take it from me: for some reason, I'm being followed by POLITICO's chief economics reporter.2. Get followed by Warren Buffett
Buffett -- who currently follows zero accounts, despite having received tweets of welcome from such luminaries as @BillClinton, @BillGates, and @BarackObama -- seems like a hard nut to crack. You might have a slight advantage if you're female, since, in the words of a recent essay written for Fortune (and promulgated as his second tweet), "Buffett is bullish... on women." It might also help if your avatar is a picture of a Cherry Coke Can. Buffett failed to identify his favorite soda in a blind taste test conducted by Bloomberg, so we're guessing it's the #branding he likes.
Once you've gotten Buffett to follow you, you'll be able to send him a DM, Twitter's private and confidential telegram. This is an ideal step toward actually hanging with Buffett, which is generally a possibility only for those rich enough to partake in charity auctions. (Last year's winning bid for lunch with Buffett was $3.46 million.)3. Set up a meeting with Warren Buffett IRL
Some activities that might pique our subject's interest, and which you might consider suggesting: playing bridge, which Buffett once said "is such a sensational game that I wouldn't mind being in jail if I had three cellmates who were decent players and who were willing to keep the game going twenty-four hours a day"; flying around in his private plane, which he once identified as one material thing that makes his life more enjoyable; or reading the newspaper. Buffett owns more than 70 of them, reads five a day, and recently admitted, "It's almost unnatural how much I love newspapers."
Sometimes, those with large Twitter followings will lend their extensive reach to lesser entities looking to spread a worthy message. As a consequence, the retweeted account often gains additional followers. #WinWin.4. Get retweeted by Warren Buffett
Buffett has just surpassed 400,000 followers, an impressive rate of influence-accrual. And he has an intense affection for charity, having pledged to donate more than 99% of his wealth. So your best bet, if you want that @WarrenBuffett RT, is to ask nicely on behalf of a good cause.
Buffett has given $50 million toward anti-nuclear proliferation efforts, calling the bomb "the great problem of mankind," and in 2006 auctioned his 2001 Lincoln Towncar (with "THRIFTY" vanity license plate) to benefit Girls Inc. So, something anti-nuclear and feminist? "Launch women-owned businesses, not thermonuclear warheads." Could work.
For companies, a stock purchase by Buffett is more than a welcome dose of capital; it's a vote of confidence from history's most storied value investor (i.e., one who seeks strong businesses whose shares are underpriced). An endorsement via Twitter could have similar significance.5. Hack Warren Buffett's account
The recent hack of the Associated Press account showed that even fraudulent tweets can have dramatic effects on trading. Crack Buffett's Twitter password, send a few market-moving tweets under the aegis of that coveted blue-and-white check mark, and you might be able to make off with a lot of money. Or you could just short Berkshire Hathaway and announce the famously long-serving Buffett's retirement, effective immediately. That would be simpler.
I should add that, although one legal expert told 9NEWS that "the prosecution and punishment for whoever hacked the Associated Press Twitter account ... is uncertain," the federal charges against former Reuters deputy social media editor Matthew Keys show that the government is willing to make aggressive use of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1984 in cases that catch its interest. So you mess with Buffett's Twitter business at your peril. We certainly don't condone such unscrupulous use of social media. #ItWasJustAThought.
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