Erik Slye really didn't want to miss work earlier this year when he was called to serve on a Montana jury. The 36-year-old man sent a notarized affidavit to the court, writing, "I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's well-being at stake to participate in this crap," according to The Smoking Gun.

Problem is, Slye's handwritten rant went on to call the justice system a bunch of "morons" and included a reference to his dog's testicles. An irate judge summoned Slye to court, where The Smoking Gun reports he apologized for the affidavit, and the judge excused him from jury duty.

I've never been picked for jury duty, nor have I ever heard of such a bad way of trying to get out of it. Legally, Slye's employer couldn't have fired him for taking time off to serve on a jury, but companies usually aren't required to pay workers while they're doing their civic duty. So the only income he might have seen would have been the meager $15-$40 a day that most courts pay jurors.