Nadya Suleman, that delightful pixie of fertility who has danced merrily into our hearts and won't leave, has used a California law firm to file two applications to trademark her nickname with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. If they go through, she'll be able to manufacture Octomom diapers, Octomom dresses, Octomom pants -- basically, stuff to take care of children better than her own brood of 14 is alleged to be.

The filing cost her $825, but if it works out, it could make her many times that. But I think she's barking up the wrong tree. I don't know a person in America who associates Nadya Suleman with good mothering, so I can't see Octomom Baby Formula flying off any shelves, unless people are inspired by her ability to milk things dry. No, Suleman could use the trademark for something more suited to her peculiar notoriety, though. How about Octomom brand collagen, for scandal-stung lips, or Octomom brand fake eyelashes, made for incredulously batting at TV cameras when someone accuses you of irresponsible parenting?Sick as I am of this creature, I have to admit I'm of two minds about this move. On the one hand, it's evidence of slick media whoredom, and a sign that she isn't planning on going anywhere. Along with a sinking feeling, it gives us proof that one of her priorities is drumming up publicity.

But on the other hand, if she's able to harness the Octo name -- a label given to her in order to mock her -- for her own gain, wouldn't that help feed her many mewling children? Odious as the whole affair is, if the proceeds really make it to the kids, wouldn't it be a sign of responsible (if unconventional) parenting? Goodness knows the woman can't hold down a real job with 14 kids to juggle. She's got to do something for an income aside from go on the dole and on Dr. Phil. Why not slap her name on some products?

Even if customers buy Octomom™ products out of pity, that's more money for the kids' diapers and their future school supplies. And for trust funds for their therapy.