The Best Ways to Punish Congress for the Shutdown

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APTOPIX Budget Battle (House Budget Committee Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis. laughs as he walks to his office on Capitol Hill i
Evan Vucci/APHouse Budget Committee Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis. laughs as he walks to his office on Capitol Hill in Washington on Friday.
By Jane Wells

Let's see. If I decided to stop working, I'd get fired. If I shut down my company, I'd get arrested.

Congress and the president have taken their sweet time trying to agree to terms for reopening the government, but not only are they still on the job, they're getting paid! What kind of punishment is that? Where's the deterrent there?

So if we can't fire them, and we can't stop paying them, how can we punish those running the show before the next election rolls around?

Let's be creative.

Some suggestions:
  • Mandatory prancercising. Nonstop.
  • Have them answer their own phones during voter drunk dialing.
  • Order them to stand in the grocery checkout line behind someone who's decided to write a check at the last second ... but can't find her checkbook ... now she needs to borrow a pen.
  • Force them to twerk in a Miley Cyrus bikini, then swing naked from a wrecking ball.
  • Make them watch the New York Giants.
  • Spend the weekend with Richard Simmons.
  • Cut off booze, cigars, hookers, and cocaine.
  • Give them only BlackBerrys.
  • Bring in "Walter White" to negotiate...his way. #BreakingBad
  • Hire them out at minimum wage to give pedicures at San Quentin.
  • Make them sit still as Kanye West, the only American with a bigger ego than Congress, tells them he's a genius again and again. And again. And one more time.
  • Put a ball gag on the whole gang and go Fifty Shades on them.
  • Invite them to the next Game of Thrones "Red Wedding" as "guests of honor." (I'm just kidding, Secret Service! Ha ha...heh...sorta...)
  • Gitmo, anyone?
More suggestions came in on Twitter:
  • "Have them sign up for healthcare using the online healthcare marketplace." @turtleinvestor
  • "Trade them to Syria for a few trillion$ and a Congress to be named later." @ChrisHoltz4
  • "Set the clock on an old VCR." @DavidRFlamerCPA (Cruel and unusual punishment? I like it.)
  • "Take away the people who push the elevator buttons," said @DarylT of the aides who help members of Congress move around the Capitol. "The horror of the index finger strain!"
  • "Make them play sudoku at expert level for 12 hours straight" tweeted @eftvox.
  • "Force them to listen to Katy Perry!!" added @lisaglick926.
  • @DonCarrMAC suggests instead of HDTVs with NFL Red Zone coverage, Congress should be forced to watch "Dick Cheney on the Hunting Channel talking gun safety"...in standard def.
  • Most effective of all, though, could be this suggestion from @CraigScott31: "Make them watch reruns of their own interviews over and over and over..."


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377 Comments

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Lisa

The ONLY GTMO joke I've EVER liked..... (fyi, you carry more cred if you spell it correctly). Oh, and can we throw baseballs at them while they're hanging from the crane?

Seriously, though, find a way to pass a law: if Congress and the Executive do NOT have a budget by 7 October, then they continue to work without their 'breaks/holidays/recesses' until they have it ironed out. No pay during that time; no retro-pay. Bet anything we would have a budget EVERY year.

October 15 2013 at 8:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
weatherdiva

Make their salary the same as the soldiers that go fight for their country.

October 15 2013 at 7:41 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
mrstjnic

The Tech Glitch on Food Stamp Debit Cards, already started punishing them today. The cards read "No limit on spending," & riots broke out in Wallmarts nationwide today, with Welfare Rats, making off with $700. worth of goods, on a card that read a 49 cent balace. Some left w/out paying. Way to go Democrats! Keep taking advantage of the Tax payers, & spending $ you don't have, til there's no $.

October 15 2013 at 5:22 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
fbq181

They are much like missles, if you can't fire them, they won't work.

October 15 2013 at 1:26 AM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply
dowdrmd

How about signing a petition put it on the ballot in all 50 states to take away their entitlements. Putting them on the same system that the American people are on. It can be done. Oh no pay raises unless the people from their states votes for it.

October 15 2013 at 12:27 AM Report abuse +4 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to dowdrmd's comment
Lisa

and not until the federal employees start getting raises. Make Congressional, etc. pay-raises equal the lesser of federal general schedule (GS) employees or military pay raises.

October 15 2013 at 8:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
hazen

hey have you ever heard of the senate, who is ruled by obamas cronies, who will not even look at any bill the congress sends over much less do their job and vote on anything, just to show the congress who is boss and to make congress look bad,

October 15 2013 at 12:18 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
susiehill3

SORRY ABOUT REPEAT, DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED

October 15 2013 at 12:06 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
vbadele1

how about we do fire them... you know we really can do this

October 15 2013 at 12:04 AM Report abuse +3 rate up rate down Reply
susiehill3

WHY ON EARTH WOULD A PRESIDENT SHUTDOWN THE GOVERNMENT, NO PRESIDENT WOULD DO SUCH A THING, MUCH LESS OBAMA. THEY DON'T WANT THAT TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY BOOKS. I KNOW EXACLY WHO SHUT US DOWN, FOOL REPUBS. THE NEGOTIATIONS ARE OBAMA ASKING TO REOPEN OUR GOVERNMENT AND THE REPUKES KEEPING IT CLOSED. YOU KNOW THIS AS WELL AS I DO. QUIT LYING TO YOURSELF. CAN'T BELIEVE IT, YOU BETTER

October 15 2013 at 12:04 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to susiehill3's comment
Lisa

You know, when you scream everything, no one actually listens.

October 15 2013 at 8:51 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
therigel

And make sure that Mr. O and J.B. join them in the fun.

October 14 2013 at 11:53 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply