The Best Ways to Punish Congress for the Shutdown

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APTOPIX Budget Battle (House Budget Committee Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis. laughs as he walks to his office on Capitol Hill i
Evan Vucci/APHouse Budget Committee Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis. laughs as he walks to his office on Capitol Hill in Washington on Friday.
By Jane Wells

Let's see. If I decided to stop working, I'd get fired. If I shut down my company, I'd get arrested.

Congress and the president have taken their sweet time trying to agree to terms for reopening the government, but not only are they still on the job, they're getting paid! What kind of punishment is that? Where's the deterrent there?

So if we can't fire them, and we can't stop paying them, how can we punish those running the show before the next election rolls around?

Let's be creative.

Some suggestions:
  • Mandatory prancercising. Nonstop.
  • Have them answer their own phones during voter drunk dialing.
  • Order them to stand in the grocery checkout line behind someone who's decided to write a check at the last second ... but can't find her checkbook ... now she needs to borrow a pen.
  • Force them to twerk in a Miley Cyrus bikini, then swing naked from a wrecking ball.
  • Make them watch the New York Giants.
  • Spend the weekend with Richard Simmons.
  • Cut off booze, cigars, hookers, and cocaine.
  • Give them only BlackBerrys.
  • Bring in "Walter White" to negotiate...his way. #BreakingBad
  • Hire them out at minimum wage to give pedicures at San Quentin.
  • Make them sit still as Kanye West, the only American with a bigger ego than Congress, tells them he's a genius again and again. And again. And one more time.
  • Put a ball gag on the whole gang and go Fifty Shades on them.
  • Invite them to the next Game of Thrones "Red Wedding" as "guests of honor." (I'm just kidding, Secret Service! Ha ha...heh...sorta...)
  • Gitmo, anyone?
More suggestions came in on Twitter:
  • "Have them sign up for healthcare using the online healthcare marketplace." @turtleinvestor
  • "Trade them to Syria for a few trillion$ and a Congress to be named later." @ChrisHoltz4
  • "Set the clock on an old VCR." @DavidRFlamerCPA (Cruel and unusual punishment? I like it.)
  • "Take away the people who push the elevator buttons," said @DarylT of the aides who help members of Congress move around the Capitol. "The horror of the index finger strain!"
  • "Make them play sudoku at expert level for 12 hours straight" tweeted @eftvox.
  • "Force them to listen to Katy Perry!!" added @lisaglick926.
  • @DonCarrMAC suggests instead of HDTVs with NFL Red Zone coverage, Congress should be forced to watch "Dick Cheney on the Hunting Channel talking gun safety"...in standard def.
  • Most effective of all, though, could be this suggestion from @CraigScott31: "Make them watch reruns of their own interviews over and over and over..."


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427 Comments

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Lisa

The ONLY GTMO joke I've EVER liked..... (fyi, you carry more cred if you spell it correctly). Oh, and can we throw baseballs at them while they're hanging from the crane?

Seriously, though, find a way to pass a law: if Congress and the Executive do NOT have a budget by 7 October, then they continue to work without their 'breaks/holidays/recesses' until they have it ironed out. No pay during that time; no retro-pay. Bet anything we would have a budget EVERY year.

October 15 2013 at 8:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
weatherdiva

Make their salary the same as the soldiers that go fight for their country.

October 15 2013 at 7:41 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
mrstjnic

The Tech Glitch on Food Stamp Debit Cards, already started punishing them today. The cards read "No limit on spending," & riots broke out in Wallmarts nationwide today, with Welfare Rats, making off with $700. worth of goods, on a card that read a 49 cent balace. Some left w/out paying. Way to go Democrats! Keep taking advantage of the Tax payers, & spending $ you don't have, til there's no $.

October 15 2013 at 5:22 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
mac2jr

Why the Congressional Games? Simple, the hundreds of Bills being passed by the Republican House of Representative that they know will NEVER be passed by the Senate or the President are for Campaigning purposes ONLY.

This way when the next election comes he or she, the Republican running, can say, "See, Mr. Democrat voted against funding the NPS" , which although technically true is a Blatant LIE... as it is a vote taken out of proper content.

This is the GAME, and America better WAKE UP to the FACTS that it is being played at OUR EXPENSE..

October 15 2013 at 3:09 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
mac2jr

Paul Ryan went on the attack against Women's Rights again today..

October 15 2013 at 3:04 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
fbq181

They are much like missles, if you can't fire them, they won't work.

October 15 2013 at 1:26 AM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply
dowdrmd

How about signing a petition put it on the ballot in all 50 states to take away their entitlements. Putting them on the same system that the American people are on. It can be done. Oh no pay raises unless the people from their states votes for it.

October 15 2013 at 12:27 AM Report abuse +4 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to dowdrmd's comment
Lisa

and not until the federal employees start getting raises. Make Congressional, etc. pay-raises equal the lesser of federal general schedule (GS) employees or military pay raises.

October 15 2013 at 8:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
hazen

hey have you ever heard of the senate, who is ruled by obamas cronies, who will not even look at any bill the congress sends over much less do their job and vote on anything, just to show the congress who is boss and to make congress look bad,

October 15 2013 at 12:18 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to hazen's comment
mac2jr

Each Bill is looked at, and then dismissed as the junk it is when it comes from the Republicans that cannot seem to understand that American's want jobs, good social safety networks, no war, no corporate control of their lives.

Example: A Republican Jobs Bill will almost always have an XL Pipeline clause attached to it, even though it has been proven over and over that less than 35 permanent jobs will be produced, and the lands of hundreds will be taken by eminent domain.

October 15 2013 at 3:02 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to mac2jr's comment
Michele

Wrong. Obama is DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about jobs. End of story.
And by the way, he has no intentions EVER to bring jobs to the U.S..

October 15 2013 at 6:02 AM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down
susiehill3

SORRY ABOUT REPEAT, DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED

October 15 2013 at 12:06 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
vbadele1

how about we do fire them... you know we really can do this

October 15 2013 at 12:04 AM Report abuse +3 rate up rate down Reply