Is your spouse cheating?Cristy Verdeja, a PR account executive in Miami, has been happily married for just over a year. But though she has found bliss with her soul mate, she sometimes keeps secrets from him -- of the financial variety.

"When I'm feeling especially guilty about wanting something new, I pay cash for my purchase, hide it in my purse, and take it out, take off the tags and hang it up when my husband is in the shower," Verdeja said.

For Verdeja, it just feels easier to keep those occasional retail therapy fixes to herself, rather than having to justify the ramifications of those purchases to her husband.

She's hardly alone. Though 82% of all couples surveyed say they've never kept a spending secret from their partner, according to a new report from ING Direct and Capital One, that leaves a lot of people using all sorts of tricks to hide some purchases.

Money Talks

Actually, younger couples like the Verdejas are apparently, on average, the most honest: 87% of 18- to 34-year-olds say they've never kept a spending secret. Among 55- to 64-year-olds, that percentage declines to 78%.

"It's refreshing to learn that young people are more open to these conversations about personal and family finances, while also avoiding getting into debt," said Jim Kelly, Head of Direct Bank, ING Direct USA.

With two out of three couples sharing checking and savings accounts, Kelly says today's spouses are "ushering in a new landscape of financial transparency."

But for some, that openness can also be seen as an infringement of personal privacy. That's why Verdeja supports shared accounts -- with a twist.

"I have absolutely no problem with shared accounts," she said. "I just play games with my money -- and my husband's, it is shared after all -- as my mother taught me." Verdeja says her husband is aware of her "secret stash," but he doesn't mind because he also reaps the benefits of the surprises it allows. "I essentially steal our money and put it away to be able to pay for Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, something special or, quite simply, my shopping habit -- the much worse one that he doesn't always see."



Budgeting Honesty

But beyond giving each other room for a bit of discretionary spending and surprises on appropriate occasions, financial honesty between partners is essential.

"I think it's important to be financially responsible and honest with one another about budget, spending habits, paying in cash and the need to have some privacy," said Verdeja. "If we talk about it openly, it's no problem."

So Verdeja and her husband have a few ground rules: No peeking at the bank account near big "gift" events. Verdeja's husband just asks that she provide him with a range of what she'll be spending so they they can keep their balance in check month to month.

That may be the true secret to "secret" spending: It's only OK if it doesn't lead to overdraft charges or depleted accounts, says Ted Jenkin, CEO and founder of oXYGen Financial in Alpharetta, Ga.

"You should preset an agreed upon budget for things like personal birthdays, kids' birthdays and holiday time," Jenkin said. "This way, nobody feels like they have to sneak around or underspend or overspend for one of these special days."

David Bakke, an editor at Money Crashers, learned the hard way about honest budgeting when his marriage fell apart after just under four years. He and his wife shared an account for monthly expenses and a joint retirement account, but also maintained separate accounts, and agreed with each other on a $200 per item limit.

"Anything that cost more required permission from the other spouse," he said. "In any instance in which I was worried about embarrassment or guilt due to a potential purchase, that was a sign that I probably didn't need the item to begin with. Therefore, I tried to never make such purchases." But when self-restraint proved inadequate, he would keep such purchases a secret.

"As our marriage deteriorated," Bakke said, "we both stopped contributing sufficiently to the joint retirement account, and we stopped following the $200 rule as well. We were both guilty, and this forced me to hide ... some of my purchases."

He attributes their inability to budget -- as their spending went haywire on the sly -- as a major contributing factor to the divorce.

Mars Vs. Venus

When it comes to financial chicanery, there are -- no surprise -- some gender differences. Women are most likely to hide clothing or accessory purchases (1 in 4 said she would) , while men are most likely to hide gift purchases (1 in 5 said he would), according to the ING Direct and Capital One survey. And women are more concerned about being in the loop: 66% said they'd be upset if a significant other hid spending from them, whereas only 53% of men said they would. Further, 27% of women said that if they discovered their spouse was hiding spending -- or a lunch with an ex -- it could lead to an argument, while only 18% of men felt the same way.
Women's tempers could flare more than their male counterparts, with 27 percent saying hiding spending habits or a lunch with an ex could ignite an argument, compared to 18 percent of men

Source: PR Newswire (http://s.tt/1ecbq)


In Miami, Rochelle Peachey, president of the trans-Atlantic dating site I Love Your Accent, pays for her husband's gifts in cash or has a friend make the purchases and pays her back later. But when it comes to her own pampering, she has a unique technique.

"My hubby and I have a joint account and yes, it's difficult when I don't want him to know exactly how much I paid for my new shoes or how much my day at the salon cost," she said. "I sometimes pay half in cash and the rest on our bank card, then it seems a much better deal in his eyes."

But those subterfuges go both ways: "I have no doubt that he does the same when buying golf equipment and such." That receipt on the new lob wedge, after all, may not tell the whole story -- or the whole price.

In fact, she knows for certain of one major instance when her husband tried to hide the cost of a large purchase: his Jaguar XKR.

"The funniest time was when he bought a new car, he told me one price," Peachey said, "and then when his friend came to see the car and asked how much it cost, he had to tell him the same price he told me."

"The friend was floored and kept saying, 'Wow, what a deal, that is unbelievable ... they're $20,000 more than that online, you really lucked out, wow, wow...' and on and on. I knew what was going on, and eventually we had a good laugh."


Financial fidelity

Increase your money and finance knowledge from home

Advice for Recent College Grads

Prepare yourself for the "real world".

View Course »

How to Buy a Car

How to get the best deal and buy a car with confidence.

View Course »

Add a Comment

*0 / 3000 Character Maximum

12 Comments

Filter by:
Adeline Letour

Hello all,
I think many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner, etc. .. to know the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something.
You have the right to be reasured !

For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you

"Owning the information, means having the power "

ordermypass@yahoo.com
http://getmypassword.tk/

September 12 2012 at 5:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
hutchrn6711

My wife compares my overspending to cheating with another woman. It makes me feel like she's making an excuse to cheat on me actively and say its no different. I fee like it's an excuse for her to go out and cheat on me with someone else just to get back at me. Do I deserve this. I've never physically cheated on her but htat's what she says it makes her feel this way and how would I feel if she went out and slept with someone else. I know what kind of anology she is making but it makes me feel uncomfortable. And if that happened it would be unfixable.

July 04 2012 at 12:31 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Miguel Jose Himenez

Sunday and close 2 midnight where there is no STREET light.
Gymmy Kramir with Daarck Knight reporting from the North Pole and Igloo Central
Wow
REV
That’s an outrageous sermon and I heaR YA.
La Cosa Nostra 4nicating on Good Mans investments.
That’s why Gymmy wood rather swim here with the penguins.
Got a special guest 2day.
From Mehico
Miguel Jose Himenez Parnez.
U know him.
Made jillions trend trading.
Where R U Miguel?
Calling 4 Miguel.
And bring those habaniero peppers. Daarck sez there is nothing like habanieros and anell mustard spread on the lumber 2 bring
THE HEAT
WHEWWWWWWWWWWDOGGIE
I’ll let everyone know 2morrow and I cannot weight.
Boogawagarama
Gymmy & out

June 24 2012 at 11:19 AM Report abuse -2 rate up rate down Reply
Miguel Jose Himenez

Reverend JAA
Sundaze Sermon – 6/24/2012
In 2011, 201x, 201
EVIL Man CALLS and
IT IS
• Satan that looks at OUR animals thru a gun sight or at the end of an arrow or harpoon ore any means Fer a KILL.
• Satan that works thru bull dozers and chainsaws 2 take our trees and Mountain tops and wildlife habitats away.
• Satan that sits inside containers of pesticide.
• Satan that looks through the eyes of SHELL or BP at OUR Oceans and take risks that the wisdom of Good Man does not bcause he HEEDS 2 Christ and the existence of ALL creations.
• Satan that looks through hiz magnifying glass and breathes, 2 scortch, 2 sweep fires, and RIP storms across America bcause of the acts of EVIL Man.
• Satan that Manages OUR wildlife through a Daarck window by KILLING. There are NO EVIL animals. There are NO EVIL trees or EVIL marshes or EVIL Oceans or EVIL elephants or EVIL wolves or EVIL pelicans or EVIL whale or EVIL shark or EVIL dolphin or EVIL elk or EVIL deer or EVIL Belugo Whale. EVIL is a handshake ONLY between Mankind and Satan.
• Satan that WATCHES and sits IDLY as OUR animals R trampled across America and sit in street gutters with discarded trash, SACRIFICED 2 the GRIN of the PIGG quelling the Earths harmony.
• Satan that sits atop NYC and he will take 3,000,000 +333.
AND
IT IS
OUR Creator, Jesus Christ that sends the kane of mankind creation OVER 2 saTaN in 2011, 201x, 201 bcause mankind continues 2 select the gifts FRUM Satan and
END TIME
4 THE LAST TIME
And there shall b no record ore recollection of mankind anywhere ever, except
Satans Diner
Where man kind is a menu appetizer
#1 barbecue pork chunks and hot n spicey
The Mayans saw it and Edgar KC 2 – 100% correcto

June 24 2012 at 11:19 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Miguel Jose Himenez

Hi Everyone,
It’s me Tim Seaver.
And
I am In the closet with my blanket.
I am kind of a quiet guy.
U know what I am doing, don’t u.
I have Mr. Hand out.
And a SCALED DOWN replica of NYC Financial.
And Up and down and Up and down and Up and down
faster and faster
GO Mr. Hand
Cmon
Bring that Banjo 2 the Finish Line
Just a little Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Come home 2 papa
AWWW
AWWWWWW
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Gee
Where did all the buildings go Charlie Brown?

June 24 2012 at 11:19 AM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
Miguel Jose Himenez

Hello Everyone
My name is
Miguel Jose Himenez Parnez.
I got me an NYC Hot Enchilada topped with a Yamika and it’s delicious.
Everyday we communicado how to make a few centavos 4 new Yamikas frum my Hacienda.
Except uno trick that tip the odds in favor of Miguel, just a tiny jalopena.
U C
U not on the other side of the investments or trade and u gonna loose your tamale and go broke.
U C
on the other side of Miguel Jose Himenez Parnez positions is
My Brothero
Steinchez Jose Himenez Parnez
On the NYSE Floor
And
At Fidelity Brokerage
My half Oriental Brothero
Shitero Jose Himenez Parnez
And
At E-Trade
My Cster
Lapuerco Josey Himenez Parnez.
And
At GS
My Cster
Chihuahuafeind Josey Himenez Parnez.
And with the help of the Sombrero Exchange Commissionado and NYSE
My Brothero
Rodriguez Jose Himenez Parnez
pulled off the flash crash using Areeeeeeeeeeeba Ondolay Speeeeeeedy Software
Developed by My Brothero
Gonzalez Jose Himenez Parnez.
U C
WE keep it ALL in the Parnez family
Members Only
Good Luck with trading AmiGoes and join me 4 my next webcast:
Trading All Day with Miguel Jose Himenez Parnez.
OoPs Areeba!
How could Miguel forget another Brothero who is waving his Chimichanga.
Dirty Sanchez Jose Himenez Parnez
Who captures and sells out your sir name and equities
4
OUR La Closa knit family.
Now Everyone, please join us now 4 after hours with some tequilla & magic SHROOMS
And those lights and colors OVER NYC will bcome BRILLLLLIANT
With that
Tequilla Sunrise
“911 was dialed 2 take out the twin tallers.
In 2011, 201x, 201
EVIL man DIALS
And it’s Answered
Bye
ThE CALLER”

June 24 2012 at 11:18 AM Report abuse -1 rate up rate down Reply
Somey

NEVER, NEVER TRUTH A WOMAN

June 23 2012 at 8:15 AM Report abuse +2 rate up rate down Reply
GymmyKramir

THE ETF SLV IS CORRUPT FROM THE SEC 2 THE ETF Manager 2 the E-Trade TAMPA PIGGS.

June 22 2012 at 3:21 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
GymmyKramir

SHOOT THESE MOTHER PHUCKERS FBI

June 22 2012 at 3:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
GymmyKramir

CONFESS JAGOFF SEC PIGGS, CONFESS< JAGOFFS at E-Trade and Fidelity.

CONFESS 2 the world and your childrfen and our troops what ******** FILTHY PIGGs U R

June 22 2012 at 3:19 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply