Getting Divorced or Separated? 7 Financial Mistakes Not to Make

divorceBreaking up is always hard to do. But just because your life has been upended by a divorce or separation, it doesn't mean your finances have to suffer, too.

That's exactly what can happen, however, if you make any number of wrong moves when you're unwinding a relationship.

Here are seven financial mistakes you must avoid once you decide to end a marriage:1. Thinking that a mediator will protect your financial interests.

Many of us think that all divorces inevitably devolve into epic, drawn-out battles over money and property, complete with bitter screaming matches, chronic stress, and "I'll get you!" style threats, kind of like The War of the Roses, the 1989 film that starred Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.

But that's the Hollywood version of a worst-case divorce scenario.

In real life, although lots of couples do experience very bitter divorces, it's also true that when many people break up, one party in the relationship will try everything possible to avoid unnecessary drama. This individual attempts to "make nice" to avoid a prolonged divorce and generally aims to ratchet down any lingering tensions.

For these people, retaining a divorce mediator or arbitrator is one way to accomplish a less combative divorce. A mediator is an impartial divorce specialist who works to help couples reach an "equitable" divorce settlement.

But be warned: Hiring a mediator just for the sake of "impartiality" or in an attempt to "keep the peace" is usually a bad financial move – a really bad one – particularly if you assume that a mediator will look out for your best interests.

"The primary goal of the mediator is to get a settlement. And any settlement means the mediator has done his or her job," says Susan Carlisle, a Los Angeles area CPA who specializes in family law. "Although the best mediators do their [best] to get the settlement as equitable as possible, it's your job to negotiate well for what you need and want. The mediator can't do that for you."

That's why the best mediators always recommend that each party in a divorce also have their own consulting attorney.



2. Hiring the "best" lawyer that money can buy

Just because you should hire an attorney to handle your divorce doesn't mean it should cost you and arm and a leg. "People generally think that the more expensive a lawyer is, the better they must be. This is not always the case," says Jonathan Blumenthal, a certified financial planner and senior vice president of Peak Capital Investment Services.

Others want to bring out the all-star legal power in order to get back at a spouse, prolong the process or simply "win" at all costs. "That strategy works really well for the big gun [attorney] but not well for the person getting divorced," says Carlisle. "Unfortunately, lawyers make a living off people's insecurity, pain and desire for revenge. But it almost never works."

Carlisle notes that in California, where she resides, the rates for some high-end attorneys can hit $900 an hour. That may be affordable for divorcing celebrities and CEOs but not for the average person. When hiring such high-priced attorneys, Carlisle says, "the problem is, middle-class people wind up spending $50,000 on a divorce that really should have cost them $10,000."

So what's the best alternative to getting a mediator or hiring a high-priced attorney? The solution may lie in "collaborative law," a process that lies somewhere between mediation and litigation. It's where two attorneys and the couple are committed to not going to court, but you each have a lawyer that looks out for your best interests.

"I think you definitely need representation when going through a divorce," Blumenthal says. But his advice is to take the time needed to interview several attorneys to find the right fit for you – someone qualified and affordable given your budget.

3. Keeping joint credit cards and loans

Once you call it quits in a relationship, you need to separate your finances ASAP – and try to save money during your divorce.

One reason to close joint credit cards and loans is that each of you will be 100% financially liable for debts incurred – even if the other person racked up the bills.

Additionally, says Blumenthal, "even if your divorce starts out cordial, things can change quickly when people go into survival mode." You don't want a cash-strapped or bitter ex-spouse to start running up credit card debt, suddenly stop paying bills, or begin incurring financial obligations for which you could be held responsible.

4. Insisting on hanging on to the family home

Hanging on to the family home can be a mistake both financially and mentally, experts say. "Financially, you better make sure you have the income to support the family bills and the household," Blumenthal cautions. "Mentally, going through a divorce is one of the most difficult things someone can go through, and staying in the family home makes it very difficult to move on."

Still, many divorcing people, especially women, are adamant about keeping the family home. It's often a misguided effort to provide stability for the kids.

"But kids are flexible," says Carlisle, who has consulted in more than 400 divorce cases. "It's important to try to keep the kids in the neighborhood where their friends are and where their school is," she advises. "But that doesn't mean keeping up an expensive home you can't afford."

5. Trying to maintain the exact same lifestyle

Before your divorce, you may have taken regular family vacations, eaten out whenever you wanted, and had your three kids enrolled in tennis classes and soccer lessons, as well as the after-school band club.

In your post divorce, life, however, you'd be wise to accept a simple truth and break it gently to your children: You and the kids can't do everything you previously did. "There are now two households to support," Carlisle says, which will greatly impact the family's finances. "Trying to maintain the status quo will only stress everyone, especially the parents."

6. Having a weak property settlement agreement

A divorce agreement – sometimes called a property settlement agreement or a marital settlement agreement – is an all-important document that acts as a kind of blueprint to what's going to happen in your post-divorce world financially and otherwise.

Who gets the house? Who keeps the good china? How will investments be split? And who pays alimony or child support to whom and for how long? All these things, and more, will be spelled out in your property settlement agreement.

Problems erupt, however, when your agreement fails to account for any host of potential issues that not only may arise but are almost guaranteed to come up. For instance, if there's a "change of circumstances" – say, the kids' needs change dramatically, or one party makes a lot more or a lot less money – in most states, either side can go back into court and ask to either receive more financial support or pay less financial support.

If your marital settlement agreement doesn't plan ahead for such contingencies, expect to endure a lot of back-and-forth and potential legal wrangling with your ex down the road. Indeed, the ink is barely dried on many divorce agreements, says Carlisle, "before someone is back in court, demanding a change to the agreement."

She cites an interesting case now before a New York court in which a former couple – who divorced in 2006 – equally split their sizable assets and property.

The man laid claim to millions of dollars in investments. But it turns out the funds he sought to get – and did indeed obtain – were monies invested with the notorious financial swindler Bernie Madoff. The wife, for her part, got other investments and a swanky Manhattan apartment.

Thanks to Madoff's multibillion-dollar Ponzi scheme, the husband's investments went up in smoke. So now the husband is back in court seeking a do-over of the divorce agreement. It remains to be seen how a judge will rule in the case.

7. Failing to change your will and insurance policies

Let's face it: You're breaking up for a reason. One or both of you really doesn't want to be so intimately tied to the other person. So after a divorce, why do so many couples keep the financial purse strings attached in ways that could back to haunt them? A case in point: keeping an ex spouse as an insurance beneficiary or heir in your will.

Sometimes, people simply forget to change these documents. Other times, they think "I'll get around to doing it later" or "What could it hurt for now?"

Well, it can cause plenty of problems if one spouse remarries – and Carlisle says divorcing men typically remarry within two years – and then that person passes away. The first wife, or previous spouse, gets all the money, and the new spouse might be left in the cold. Not exactly what most people would want to happen after their death.

"When you go through a divorce, you need to make sure you go back and change all your beneficiary information on all accounts and policies," advises Blumenthal. "Regardless of what you have in your will, if your ex is still the beneficiary of your IRA, for example, that will supersede your updated will."

By avoiding these seven financial mistakes after a divorce, you'll take away some of the sting of what can be an emotionally and economically taxing experience.

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MarisaJames

my name is Marisa James,i am From GERMANY I never knew I could be happy again cause my life turned in a mess by my ex boy friend named James, cause the love I had for him was incomparable, I loved him with all my heart but he dumped me just because of other girl, ever since then I have never been my self cause I love James and think of him every seconds of my life so I cant just let him go like that cause I think he is the love of my life, so I decided to go on research on net on how to get lost lover back. At hot mail blog that was how I saw a lady who testified the great things which Dr.AYO did for her after reading I was convinced to give a try to Dr. AYO to see if he can help me also. So that was how I contacted him greatayosolutiontemple@gmail.com and told him my problem. So when I told him my problem he just told me not to worry that I will have James back within 48hours, I was so surprised, I he call me and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,. I was so surprised and was short of words cause I could not believe what I was hearing. So that was how James came to me and now we are living happily than ever before. My friends out there who needs help I will advice you contact Dr. AYO for help.You can reach him via: greatayosolutiontemple@gmail.com......

19 hours ago Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
paulmuller181

My Name is Paul. I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engage to Single…when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Germany the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he’s busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday.My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my my girl friend called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume work on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit i have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with a baby boy and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to priest_gbenga.magic_temple@priest.com, I cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay. You can also visit him on his website www.priestgbengamagicpalace.webs.com
PAUL MULLER

Tuesday at 5:42 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Sidney Huster

All thanks to the source of my happiness{ DR. MAGBU}. Hello Every one out here!!I want to share my testimony and my happiness with you all in this site, last year my husband left me for another woman in his working place and he abandon me and my 2kids, everything was so hard for me because i love him so much, so i saw the testimonies of Dr.Magbu how he has been helping ladies in getting there husband back so i contacted him and he help me to cast a return spell for my husband and in 3 days my husband left the other woman and he come back to me with so much love and caring. i will never forget this help that Dr.Magbu gave to me and my children.if you are here you need help to get you lover back you can contact him through this email reunitingexspell@gmail.com , i am proud to be on his testimony page.

November 05 2014 at 9:07 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Pedro Tracy

Am faith peter from USA, i want to greatly thank
this great spell caster for what he has done in my
life, And for bringing back my ex,we had a
misunderstanding which made him leave the house
and over a year, i have not head from him which
almost made me commiting sucide.i contact a friend who adviced me on seeing a spell caster, she told
me to contact this great spell caster via this email
address Dr ohehe and when i did he told me my
ex will come to me after 2day I didn't believe him
on the second day my ex came back to me and
apologise to me, thanks to this great spell caster. u can contact him via this email address
Ohehenemenspelltemple001@gmail.com. He is genuine
spell caster

November 04 2014 at 5:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Zoe Arturo

Contacting Metodo Acamu is probably one of the best thing that has ever happened to me.I believe every one has his or her option about spell.You may have the impression that its real and others may think spells are for the deranged.For me, i think its doesn't matter what you think or what you know about spell because we both know humans seek solution where ever there is one even if it means believing in something they find to insanely not true .I once use to drink,my husband was not strong enough to walk through the storm with me.You know its always goes the same with all men when you need them the most in times of trouble they run as far as possible from you and justify their infidelity based on your wrong doing.While i was getting help my husband was banging our neighbor.Maybe if he had done it once out of weakness and was sorry about it we will still be together but no he kept on with it.I don't really blame anybody but myself i was not around and she was there for him.I had drinking problem and she didn't so i was more of a problem to him that i was a wife so......I am one year sober now even at that he still threats me like the drunk making it impossible for me to see my boys.Like he said i am a bad influence on them.I mean am sober now and still will not let me see my kids..when i was served the divorce paper my kids custody was brought into the picture again.I realized that i was going to lost my kids forever.No mother wants another woman to raise their kid it was also the same for me i could not think of it a all.Maybe the law may have allowed me to see my them, it will would have been based on how and when its convenient for my ex to want me to go see them and also under his supervision.Either ways i was the loser but thank god i found Metodo Acamu as silly as it might seem he helped me cast a spell that gave me full custody of my kids.It wasn't the law that was compelled to give me custody, it was my ex the spell compelled.He asked is lawyers to tell the judge that he wants me to have full custody of our kids. Metodo doesn't ask anyone for money all he ask for are materials to for the spell casting process.And even that you can get them yourself and send them to him.My experience with him even if i never got to meet him, was an experience that will last for ever co if not for the spell he help me with i would still in search for a way to get to see my kids.If you really want to contact him use this email metodoacamufortressx@yahoo.com hopefully he can helped you resolve what ever problem you bring before him and his god or gods which ever.

November 04 2014 at 8:52 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Nora Lotte

My name is Nora Lotte and my husband of a year walked out on me about two and a half months ago and now we are going through a horrible painful divorce. i am not sure WHY he walked out. I am just s0 scared that he and i will never be together again. And what’s worse i am afraid that he will find someone else and I just CAN’T handle that. so i go online for help on how i can get him back. thanks to DR OBOM with the help of this great man i was able to get my husband back for good. you can reach him on homeofsolutions1@gmail.com

November 01 2014 at 8:36 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Caroline Justus Lind

Have been all over looking for solution to my Marriage until i tried out the internet, I found a Dr Agbalazzy Olorun whom people talked about and shared good testimonies about him, My Husband has decide to leave our marriage, because he said he can't stand my mom, But i love my Husband so much that i can let him leave after 8years of marriage. So the Dr Agbalazzy Olorun did changed the whole problems and issue to testimony, He did a spell to calm and reconcile my mom and my Husband and then carryout a spell to make my husband love me more and remain in our marriage. I saw results after 2days and to be frank, this Dr Agbalazzy Olorun is a God sent. My family is as peaceful and lovely as i asked for..I'm grateful.friends in case you need the help of Dr Agbalazzy Olorun kindly email him on (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) or call him on +2348054422906, Sir i will forever recommend you.

November 01 2014 at 1:02 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Daria Reinhartame

My name is Daria Reinhartame, am from usa. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.AISABU brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that's why i want to say a big thank you to DR.AISABU. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him at: (aisabulovespell@gmail.com)...

October 31 2014 at 11:07 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Erin Garrett

My dearest Dr. Grea, Even if you probably don’t remember me, I have just two words in my heart, that I want to dedicate to you: Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dr. Grea of Re_unifyexlove@outlook.com and http://reunifyexlove.webs.com. Since my last boyfriend, I have felt so lonely. You know that as I explained that thoroughly in my first email to you. I wished for my heart to be filled with love and happiness and you did that! When Wade called me for an appointment, I had nearly a heart attack! It’s been only 72 hours that you cast the spell, and he is already back! This spell you cast is just so powerful that he can’t spend a minute without me! My joy is permanent, such as the spell you cast! It seems that the gods are smiling at me and you are the reason why. I will be your faithful follower for ever. http://reunifyexlove.webs.com

October 18 2014 at 11:15 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Eveety HO Kate

My name is EVEETY HO KATE i will like us to share tips on how to identify a real LOVE spell caster cos alot of people have fallen victim of scam as i have come across lots of comments lately (i was a victim too) and from experience and what i know i decide to open this thread, only fake spell caster ask for the followings: COURIER CHARGES: no matter where you are in the world, no matter the distance and continent a real spell caster will cast a spell effectively without you seeing it or the spell caster getting it to you to use it so long as he has the names or pix..the spell will work itself.. STRAIGHT: no excuses for failure, if money was needed in the first place for courier he should have say so, so one can know how prepared he is..i did rather pay $2000 at once to get my result rather than paying $200 for excuses to get more money..its not bad paying for items but the end result might be an excuse THREAT: if you get fed up of sending money after money, they begin to threaten one with death and madness.. NIGERIA; about 80% of them are Nigerians not saying they dont have real spell casters cos they are spiritually gifted in Africa but the impersonation is too much, the fake are more than the real.. i fell a victim of scam twice to a certain dr wodu and dr isaka they both ripped me to shred before i realized almost $3700 was gone until i came across Dr Lamano who told me how to know a fake spell caster, he helped me CAST A LOVE SPELL without failure or excuse in 5 days.. My Husband is back and am happy now for about a month..
his e-mail is lamanospellalter@yahoo.com lets beware of scammers and share experience, suggestion and solutions..thanks...../...

October 15 2014 at 7:21 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply