Calvin Klein is looking for nine good men in nine different countries.

To celebrate the relaunch of its Steel underwear collection, the company will hold a contest inviting iron-bodied European guys to become the faces of the new line, which will include customized patriotic briefs for customers in England, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Russia, Spain and Sweden.

By patriotic, I mean: the underwear will actually be tiny cotton remixes of each nation's flag: the Italian version, for example, will have a green body with a red and white waistband.

The article, and the contest, pointedly excludes the U.S. -- the competition isn't open to American men, and there's no mention of a stars-and-stripes version of the underwear.

Perhaps Klein isn't feeling so gung-ho about the U.S. following last month's nationwide outcry over his racy New York billboard. Or maybe his marketing research team has an inkling that their customers stateside aren't as likely to wear their pride under their pants.

Either way, aspiring Marky-Mark successors are out of luck for now. But if you've got friends overseas who look like this, or this (and honestly, who doesn't?) -- tell them to log on to on Aug. 14, when the contest kicks off. May the best abs win.

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