Mommy blogger brouhaha is the new Mary Kay
Filed under: Technology, Media
I must admit I was horrified. I read someone's long, long, LOOONG post about how she was not, after all, participating in a one-week PR mommy blogger blackout in August. She couldn't take it! Too horrible! She had to make money to feed the kids, after all, and one week down... oh dear. Her counter-proposal: a brownout.Wha? To paraphrase: This is not my mommyblogging life... this are not my mommyblogging family. How did we get here? Somehow, the admirable aim of creating online journals about one's life as a mother -- as I see it, as a virtual scrapbook/therapy session/support group/community, a way for moms to solve the isolation we so often feel by reading others' stories and providing each other with valuable advice and feedback, the Red Tent of the 21st century -- has devolved into a Mary Kay party. And just like a "party" at which you are meant to make commissions from your friends' desire for a little companionship, all the reasons I felt special, invited, part of something are really just ways to make a little cash on my click. The so-called "mommy blogs" the FTC has down-cracked by suggesting disclosure rules are no more online parenting journals than Tupperware parties are festive get-togethers to entertain friends. It's all selling, and it should be treated as such; and I can see nothing at all wrong with transparency and sincerity.
I had long since stopped following certain mommies on Twitter. I didn't want to go to any of their "site warmings" for other mommy bloggers' revamped blogs (the better to sell to you, my dear); I didn't want to enter any of their giveaways for Swiffers; I didn't want to learn how to be a more resourceful mommyblogger by, I don't know, maximizing my Twittering while my husband reads my kids their bedtime stories. Mostly I like to Twitter as an outlet for that little voice in my head that's desperate to share my brilliance, and triviality, with friends near and far -- and to hear my friends' inner voices. When my challenged son has a bad day at school, I can complain to Twitter, and get empathy from other parents with difficult kids. Or drool over someone's recipe for thyme blossom ice cream.
And somehow I'd clicked on this post, thinking it was something of relative importance, and this is what I learn about her opinion of this MomDot blackout: "the problem with this for many of us - a week off of PR is like a week away on a tropical island where there is no WiFi, no mobile service, and possibly even no technology. It's just not going to happen. It would be not only biting the hand that feeds me - it would be gnawing off the hand that feeds my children [emphasis hers]." (Please send me to that tropical island.) (Hang on, I've got to go make dinner for my kids.)
I had just discovered that what I'd hoped was a fun community event (maybe a recipe challenge?), #yummymummies, was actually a lot of friends trying to win a $250 gift certificate for undergarments that expensively control one's mom belly. Yummy! Not. I don't want to be marketed to by my friends. I love to read their tweets, I do, but not when they get so excited about my participation in their Twitter-style chain letter. (And shouldn't we, instead, be telling each other that our bodies don't need to be expensively mushed in order to gain each others' approbation? Just because it's got a Twitter hashtag, doesn't make it any less troubling than the corsets of a century ago.)
I don't mind sharing stories, even if those stories include a little product placement. So, you love your Ergo, or you can't believe how great is this new flavor of Haagen-Dazs? Wonderful, that's kind of why PR reps started emailing mommy bloggers. They have an audience of friends, family, and newbie moms, hanging on their every word, enjoying reading these stories of real people, real life. It's a reality show without the pricey production crew.
But this is a job for these women, just as Mary Kay or Tupperware or Creative Memories are jobs; the devotion of endless hours of "work" to sell things to your friends. I no longer read "mommy blogs" which seem to consist mostly of salesmanship, with categories for reviews, giveaways and social media. I don't respond to PR reps unless it's something I genuinely want to check out.
Mommy blogs are not mommy blogs if they're marketing vehicles, just as parties are not parties if there's an expectation that you buy something before you say "goodbye." The suggestion that moms only write about their kids and their husbands for a week isn't shocking because it would be gnawing off the hand that feeds you; it's shocking because it has to be said at all.
I have a new proposal: stop calling them mommy bloggers unless they're truly blogging about being a mother. Then the FTC won't have to crack down on mommy bloggers at all. And eventually PR reps will learn this people-who-market-uproariously-online-and-happen-to-be-mothers machine is just a vicious circle, a calliope of Tweets and Stumbles and Diggs and I'll host a site-warming if you do a giveaway and we're all in this together! and really all any of us are here for is the free yogurt. PR blackout? Maybe the PR firms should be the ones blacking out. Do you see what this has become?
If it doesn't stop, I promise you, I'll take down my mama blog and re-launch it as a zine. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sarah Gilbert has been journaling about motherhood online for more than six years without hosting a single giveaway. She is not a mommy blogger.
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Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
7-16-2009 @ 11:07PM
Christy said...
Ick. Please don't try to pass off a personal attack as quality journalism, or journalling or whatever it is you think you do.
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7-17-2009 @ 9:11AM
Sharon McPherson said...
One more thing, before you started casting aspersions at Ms. Bair as being unethical, it may have served you well to check what ads were going to be on this page. Because I see 2 in the right sidebar (top and bottom) that have pictures of different women hocking weight-loss, yet both links go to the same website.
Surely those couldn't be ads for the Acai Berry Diet Weightloss Blogs that the FTC is investigating - because they're suspected of being scams.
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7-17-2009 @ 2:08PM
sarah gilbert said...
I am just a writer for this finance-oriented site and don't have any input into what ads are shown. I can neither check this ahead of time, nor can I veto them. if the ads seem unethical to you, please feel free to complain to AOL's ad sales organization. try ads [at] dailyfinance.com.
7-17-2009 @ 1:22AM
Angel Smith said...
With all due respect, it appears to me that you are making the mistake of assuming that the majority of other women are like you.
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7-17-2009 @ 2:23PM
sarah gilbert said...
Angel, I'm quite sure that the majority of women are not like me. I'm quite odd. however, I do think that the majority of women do not enjoy being repeatedly pitched-to by their friends. yes, many of my friends have pitched to me; I have occasionally pitched things to my friends when I felt it was a great cause (I will proclaim the awesomeness of my xtracycle to the mountaintops). (but Xtracycle never either asked for my pitching, nor did they give me anything for free.)
where I break down is when the selling takes over one's life.
7-17-2009 @ 9:01AM
Affacturage said...
The economic bubble was and is like a national and international Ponzi scheme (because it was based on the artificial and manipulation) created by government and politicians meddling, They don't have a clue about business or economics,don't have monetary/budget limits and care more about their special interests. Some meddling was due to good intentions, but the results were horrible for even the original people they were trying to help.
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7-17-2009 @ 11:20AM
Natalie Leonhard said...
As a new mom I'd rather take advice from someone who is involved with PR professionals (aka dealing with items/ideas/etc that are NOW and NEWSWORTHY)- someone who isn't a "journalist" but a REAL person. I follow certain bloggers and they brighten my day with both personal stories in the mix with reviews of products that range from fun and functional to RESOURCEFUL.
BLOG ON MOMMY BLOGGERS!!!!!!!
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7-17-2009 @ 1:04PM
Kelby said...
I personally thought you must not even BE a mom reading half of this post. I looked for a man's byline at first. You think moms should only post about wiping butts to be considered mom bloggers? It boggles my MIND that a mom herself would want mom bloggers stereotyped this way. I consider myself a mom blogger, and almost all that I blog about is business/social media/journalism oriented. Some of the best mom bloggers out there are the same way... they blog about politics and social networking and entrepreneurism. Oh my! I am a mom with a BRAIN! Who talks about something besides my kids. Please, kick me out of the club.
In case sarcasm isn't clear, please insert it above.
Why on earth can't moms earn a living? Certainly, they should disclose. I personally don't believe in paid posts, and I personally don't believe there is such a thing as a paid review (once it's paid, it becomes something else). I do think that moms can receive products and review them. Without that, how else will they review the items? I also think there is much more to blogging than just doing reviews. But guess what:
THERE ARE MANY MORE STORIES ABOUT MOM BLOGGING THAN THIS! You are telling a story that's old, stale, over-reported by organizations much larger than this site... NY Times, Wall Street Journal, Newsweek. Move on and get over yourself.
Certainly, bloggers should serve readers first. Certainly, they shouldn't do whatever PR and marketers tell them to do. (Although I would think a mom blogger who thinks moms should only blog about their kids would be inclined to follow the masses anyway... but I digress).
If you don't like moms who write reviews or who make a couple bucks for busting their BUTTS 7 days a week, then by all means. Don't read them. If no one was interested, guess what? None of these moms would have readers. But they do. If you prefer to make no money for your work, great. Be poor. Who cares.
Get off your high horse. I would like to know who precisely designated you the decider of all things mom blogging. If you can point me to where on Amazon I can order the Rules of Mommy Blogging, it would be much appreciated. I hadn't seen that yet.
Until then, much of this is new territory. We moms should support each other, not attack each other like catty high school girls.
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7-18-2009 @ 12:18AM
Shan said...
Kelby,
You ROCK! Thank you for your comment.
Women should be supporting women not tearing them down. Because of all the cruel backlash over PR Blackout '09, I had officially lost all faith that women would ever dispel the belief that women are all just a bunch of whiny, gossipy, backstabbing, hate filled bitches.
You have given me a little bit of that hope back.
Thank you.
7-17-2009 @ 1:06PM
Kelby said...
Holy crap! OK, since I seriously had no clue who the hell you are I looked at your blog. You have some serious cajones to criticize other moms for daring to earn money blogging and then you have a Paypal donate button on your blog... And I presume then that you don't charge AOL for your work?
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7-17-2009 @ 2:50PM
sarah gilbert said...
Kelby, I can't reveal how much AOL pays me for writing, as it's precluded by my contract. also precluded by my contract: posts promoting products if there's been any quid pro quo (unless I disclose everything) (and even then I couldn't get away with a promotional post and wouldn't dare try). however, I can tell you that I've received a grand total of $50 from that donate button, from some guy in Pennsylvania who liked my pictures of me while pregnant. it seemed a little creepy at the time, but as I'm no longer pregnant, I've stopped receiving his donations.
now that you mention it, perhaps I should take it down.
not that there's anything wrong with making money writing. I honor writers, journalists, and even technical writers and PR professionals for earning money with their words. I find the blurring of the line between stories and product promos, in a word, gross.
7-17-2009 @ 1:22PM
Angela said...
"stop calling them mommy bloggers unless they're truly blogging about being a mother"
Well you just officially lost title of Mommy Blogger than since the primary focus of this post isn't about your mothering skills or your children.
This what gets my goat about mothers. We consistently attack each other for all the stuff we do "wrong". Now we have to hear about how we should blog...wonderful. Freaking wonderful...thank you. It's nice to know I am back in high school with the head cheerleader dictating who can and cannot be in the "in"crowd because they look and talk a certain way. I do giveaways on my blog...I enjoy sharing stuff. Don't like it, don't join in. I talk about all KINDS of things on my blog. It's not JUST my kids. My focus isn't to vent about my kids ALL the time. Jeesh I am not JUST a mom, I have another aspect to me that many don't see when the kids are around. How about I reveal that on occasion? Wouldn't that be a bit refreshing then consistently reading about someone and their issues with Pampers for the day?
I don't give a flying crap how long you have been blogging or if you think your a better mommy blogger than me...I will keep it up my way.
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7-17-2009 @ 1:31PM
Mommy Niri said...
Might you journalists be a tad worried that some of you pathetic writing will come to light now that real writers are out there?
Did you get paid to write this article? Where is your disclosure how much you got paid? We never have to worry about guys trashing down a woman's career, when we have woman like you to do so.
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7-17-2009 @ 1:51PM
Jill Notkin said...
What kind of journalist DELETES comments? And having actually been to journalism school myself, allow me to answer - not a decent one... Shameful, really.
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7-17-2009 @ 2:59PM
sarah gilbert said...
Jill, I apologize if your comment didn't come through. I don't see any deleted comments associated with this post, however. I can't vouch for the system's 100% efficiency; perhaps you should try again?
7-17-2009 @ 10:11PM
Petula said...
Whew! I think I missed a couple of things. I saw the PR Blackout post on Maternal Spark, but haven't had a chance to read it yet so I can't make a call on that. Sounds like a good idea, in a way, and I respect any blogger to participate or to not. But for someone to dog someone else out because they decide to do it is... hmmm... a waste of time.
There are so many opinions on whether we should except paid posts (even regular readers ignore them), only write about families and parenting, not do PR and on and on. I hope that whatever everyone decides to do with their blog is done with integrity and that those who read it would be respectful and understanding of others' choices.
I read that FB comments and we really shouldn't criticize each other - as if we don't have enough to do and worry about!
Have a good weekend.
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7-17-2009 @ 2:00PM
PunditMom aka Joanne Bamberger said...
If the FTC wants to get serious, it should focus on the corporations who want bloggers to write about them -- that's where the product info is coming from. But I suspect the corporate lobbyists have a lot more $$ to make sure they aren't subject to new regulations than "mommybloggers" do.
I'm with you on one thing -- I'm a mom and I write at several blogs, including my own, about politics and current events, but I hate the term mommyblogger and I don't call myself one.
Also, Amy Bair is a friend of mine and a great businesswoman who also works on philanthropic causes,
such as Speak Now for Kids.
www.punditmom.com
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7-17-2009 @ 1:58PM
SuburbanOblivion said...
I put this out on Twitter, and I'll say it again here now-
Mommyblogging as a genre is dead, too many women selling out themselves and their blogs for the price of a Swiffer.
I have unsubscribed from almost all the Mommyblogs I used to read because of the *constant* product endorsement and reviews.
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7-17-2009 @ 2:01PM
Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...
@subrbanoblivion Ditto!
7-17-2009 @ 2:23PM
Candace said...
I agree with Sarah, first off. There are a couple of blogs I used to read because I identified in some way with the author or I thought he/she was a compelling writer. When those blogs went the way of sponsorships and giveaways, I stopped reading. I would rather get my commercials from the television, where I can fast-forward through them. I'm one of those people who doesn't ask friends and family (or bloggers) their opinions about products. I get my information from places that have experts doing the reviewing. So if I come across a blog that's blatantly commercial, I keep going.
That doesn't mean I think others should stop reading blogs that have a commercial bent. I'm pretty sure Sarah didn't suggest that, either. When did it become so taboo to put forth one's opinions? I really despise it when people say, "If you don't like it, click the little red x!!" Blogging is a public enterprise. The exchanging of ideas and views should never be denigrated. Free speech must, absolutely must, go both ways. Writers of every kind have to expect criticism. It's part of putting yourself out there. That doesn't mean anyone has a right to be nasty, but to expect people to never disagree? Madness.
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