Elixir for a healthy heart and a long life: Only $0.60 for 8 ounces!

When I was growing up, it seemed like everything that I liked ended up being bad for me. From playing in the mud, which destroyed my clothes, to eating pre-sweetened cereal, which left me climbing the walls, it was almost a foregone conclusion that anything that brought me pleasure was also going to hasten my inevitable demise.

As I've grown older, this trend has continued, with allegations that convertibles have high mortality rates, that smoking causes cancer, and that the salty deliciousness of Virginia ham raises one's blood pressure. As I've been trying to prolong my stay on planet Earth, I've stripped myself of one vice after another, until all that remains is a sharp tongue and a tendency to criticize other peoples' clothing.

On the bright side, however, I recently discovered that coffee is, surprisingly, good for me. According to a 24-year study that was conducted by the University of Madrid, drinking coffee may lower my chances of developing heart disease and other illnesses. What's more, the study's findings seem to suggest that the more coffee one consumes, the greater the health benefits. It's worth noting, however, that the positive effects of coffee seemed to max out at six cups a day.

At $0.60 a cup, six cups a day comes to $3.60. In truth, however, I'll probably keep it down to under three cups, as any more than that will have me bouncing off the ceiling. Still, $1.80 a day is a real bargain for something that will reduce my chances of heart disease. Besides, it'll keep me excited and alert and will do wonders for my teeth!

While the study found that decaf coffee has considerable health benefits, I will be using this data as an excuse to consume multiple cups of full-strength, caffeinated coffee. My heart is racing just thinking about it!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He's pretty sure that Starbucks' whipped cream-laden treats are probably not going to help him avoid heart disease.

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